Friday, April 22, 2011


Geezers often wear baseball caps with sayings on them.  In fact, some of them treat their hats like pets.  Still others never remove their caps, which contributes to balding.  In addition to their caps, they favor protective coloration in clothing.  Plaid = geezer camo.  They shop at thrift stores a lot, and flea markets, yard sales, even Dumpsters, while their little dogs wait patiently behind the wheel in their trucks. 

The waist band of many a geezer's pants can be found below his stomach.  That is, just above his magic parts.  Still others wear their waist bands up under their armpits, occasionally with suspenders.  Either way, you go to check out his buns and there aren't any.

One geezer I spent a lot of time with wiped his hands on his socks during dinner, instead of using a napkin.  When I caught him I said, "Did I just see you wipe your hand on your sock?"  He replied, "Sure.  I've done it all my life, but usually I don't get caught."  He grabbed my hand and demonstrated by wiping my hand on my sock.  This felt surprisingly natural.

Sunday, April 3, 2011


Geezers come in all shapes and sizes and in all kinds of disguises.  Being a geezer is a state of mind.  Many are retired, and some observers think a geezer must be retired to be a full-fledged member of the species.  Others, like my son, are surprisingly young.

But let's look at things species-wise.  Are these homely hominids a member of Homo sapiens?  After decades of research, I have concluded they are their own family and genus (Geezeridiae, Geezerus) and definitely their own species (i.e. Geezer waderensus).  Many women, however, continue to believe that geezers are closer to Homo neanderthalensis, that they simply fool us because most of them walk upright.  After all, one dictionary I consulted claims the word geezer comes from the Scottish word guiser, meaning "one in disguise."  The illustration above might help you.

Friday, April 1, 2011


Yes, recognition is step number one in any branch of natural science. However, one important caveat is this: not every person of advanced age who appears to have jumped the fence of normalcy qualifies as a geezer. The knowledge you'll gain on this blog will help make initial recognition easier. Make the most of the extensive notes I've taken from dawn to dusk while charting the activities of our geezer earth mates, field notes that document sightings, the sounds they make in the morning, their footprints, behaviors, ranges and territories. I have listened to their tales and fables, some I'll share with you in the weeks to come. Many geezers have features that are bizarre, while others look exactly as you'd expect one to look. Occasionally, you'll encounter a handsome, silver-haired man, who is nicely dressed. Yet when you peel away his outerwear--there you have it--suspenders. Get to know him better, say, on a visit to his man-cave, and you'll see posters of antique tractors above his bed. A diverse group of hominids, to be sure, and one that has certainly captured my imagination. Be careful, though, because you, too, may be permanently altered by your association with geezers.