ALL GEEZERS LOVE OLD PICKUP TRUCKS . . .

in fact, they think of old vehicles as investments and some old duffers can't have too many old cars and trucks around to work on -- someday.  If you're out driving around and see a small house surrounded by unmowed grass growing up around several old cars and trucks, so that it looks like a debris-recruitment program instead of a yard, you'll know you're in geezer country.  Actually repairing their vehicles may never happen, because the simplest task, one like fixing a leaky faucet, can take days and require an audience.  Such a project might include seeking the advice of every other old guy in the county, often over coffee.  And while many geezers do keep themselves constructively occupied, others don't do much of anything but talk -- about fixing one of those old trucks, or patching a leaky roof, or just maybe going to Alaska some day.  These are the ones who play horseshoes and get quite good at it, too, and only go to family reunions where they can play a game or two out back.  But I have digressed from the subject of geezers and old pickup trucks.  Sometimes they will give a favorite old pickup a pet name, like OLD BLUE or BETSY.  He might name his truck after a former sweetheart, one who never knew her status as his girlfriend.  I've known more than one Montana geezer who did not, like others do, install an engine block heaters in his truck.  Instead, on sub-zero days he will risk building a fire under under his truck to get it started.

JUST A GLIMPSE . . .

. . . will tell you, "Yep!  It's a geezer.

RECOGNIZING A GEEZER -- CONTINUED.

Geezers often wear baseball caps with sayings on them.  In fact, some of them treat their hats like pets.  Still others never remove their caps, which contributes to balding.  In addition to their caps, they favor protective coloration in clothing.  Plaid = geezer camo.  They shop at thrift stores a lot, and flea markets, yard sales, even Dumpsters, while their little dogs wait patiently behind the wheel in their trucks. 

The waist band of many a geezer's pants can be found below his stomach.  That is, just above his magic parts.  Still others wear their waist bands up under their armpits, occasionally with suspenders.  Either way, you go to check out his buns and there aren't any.

One geezer I spent a lot of time with wiped his hands on his socks during dinner, instead of using a napkin.  When I caught him I said, "Did I just see you wipe your hand on your sock?"  He replied, "Sure.  I've done it all my life, but usually I don't get caught."  He grabbed my hand and demonstrated by wiping my hand on my sock.  This felt surprisingly natural.

WHAT EXACTLY IS A GEEZER?

Geezers come in all shapes and sizes and in all kinds of disguises.  Being a geezer is a state of mind.  Many are retired, and some observers think a geezer must be retired to be a full-fledged member of the species.  Others, like my son, are surprisingly young.

But let's look at things species-wise.  Are these homely hominids a member of Homo sapiens?  After decades of research, I have concluded they are their own family and genus (Geezeridiae, Geezerus) and definitely their own species (i.e. Geezer waderensus).  Many women, however, continue to believe that geezers are closer to Homo neanderthalensis, that they simply fool us because most of them walk upright.  After all, one dictionary I consulted claims the word geezer comes from the Scottish word guiser, meaning "one in disguise."  The illustration above might help you.

RECOGNITION--STEP NUMBER 1

Yes, recognition is step number one in any branch of natural science. However, one important caveat is this: not every person of advanced age who appears to have jumped the fence of normalcy qualifies as a geezer. The knowledge you'll gain on this blog will help make initial recognition easier. Make the most of the extensive notes I've taken from dawn to dusk while charting the activities of our geezer earth mates, field notes that document sightings, the sounds they make in the morning, their footprints, behaviors, ranges and territories. I have listened to their tales and fables, some I'll share with you in the weeks to come. Many geezers have features that are bizarre, while others look exactly as you'd expect one to look. Occasionally, you'll encounter a handsome, silver-haired man, who is nicely dressed. Yet when you peel away his outerwear--there you have it--suspenders. Get to know him better, say, on a visit to his man-cave, and you'll see posters of antique tractors above his bed. A diverse group of hominids, to be sure, and one that has certainly captured my imagination. Be careful, though, because you, too, may be permanently altered by your association with geezers.